Snackin’ Off — Lay's Kettle Cooked Everything Bagel With Cream Cheese

Okay, first things first. I’ll admit I fucked up my grade. I don’t do it often, but it happens. These chips should have been a Thumbs Middle. Not up because they don’t taste all that great but not down because they don’t stink out loud. They are decidedly average chips that taste like sour cream and onion chips if some idiot forgot to put onion in. I’ll admit that my score was harsh because I have a special place in my heart since my foray into snack reviews started with the original Lay’s Do Us A Flavor contest:

The next order of business is cream cheese. I realize I am in the minority when it comes to loathing cream cheese, but I also realize that I don’t give a fuck. That shit sucks and tastes like rancid cheese. Bagel with butter for life.

Last up are my official bagel powers rankings. It goes Everything, Sesame, Poppy, and Plain. I know there are plenty of Egg Everything hardos out there, but I don’t taste a difference when I eat an Egg Everything. I guess I just need the right bagel maestro to whip one up for me.